A full & happy heart.

    

How did it go from 46 days in my last post to 20 days until I start this adventure?! I don't know if I will ever understand how time can move so fast... 

And with the amount of time from the time I last posted, a lot has happened. Both in my own life and around the world. I don't want my blog to become preachy in any way, but I thought that I would give people my opinion and view on things. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we have been given a new policy involving the children of homosexual marriages and their membership in the church. Many saw the headlines and flipped their lids. But if you watch Elder Christofferson's video describing why the decision was made, it is really quite simple. It is in the best interest of the children to not have to experience confusion when becoming part of a church that believes that marriage is between a man and a woman but then would go home and be in an environment that teaches the opposite. Everyone is able to have their own opinions and beliefs. Those who disagree AND those that support the policy. I wish that it was that easy haha. But when it really comes down to it, we have general authorities and a prophet that receives revelation from God and has our best interest at heart, and we must rely on our faith in them and in Him in these confusing and trying times. I feel so lucky to be a part of this church.

Preparing for the mission has given me such a clear and positive outlook on life. While I'm constantly making choices that keep me worthy to enter the temple and serve in Hungary, I have never in my LIFE been so happy! I do have to admit that as the days go on and the closer December 9th gets, I have so many feels going on. I have waited for this day for so long but with thanksgiving coming and then Christmas, I will be around so much that I love and I'm realizing how hard it is going to be sacrificing being around it all for 18 months. I let myself get freaked out for a little, but then I remember where I'm going and BUDAPEST HUNGARY is calling my name. 

All in all, I love this time in my life. I love my family and friends. And all the love and support they are giving me. I love holidays and the feeling of nostalgia I always get. I love missions and the way they change a person even before they get out and serve. I love getting to see some crazy beautiful sights so very often. I love my church and the leaders that guide and help us. And I love our God. Who gives unconditional love and mercy, who is understanding and forgiving, who wants each and every one of us to be happy.

Lastly, my heart is heavy with the events that happened in Paris. Such a tragic time and my heart goes out to all afflicted from attacks around the world. But on a positive note, I think it is absolutely incredible to see countries unite and support one another. Je t'aime Paris!

46 DAYS ...........

You don't really take people seriously when they say that time will fly, until it already has. I mean, I still have about a month and a half, but I feel like I opened my mission call like yesterday. And it's already been 11 days. But I am happy to say that I have only had ONE meltdown! This whole getting everything done- packing for 18 months, appointments, tying up loose ends- on top of trying to spend as much time as I can with my busy family was really starting to get to me. So I've tried to organize a to-do list and we're going to do a last family vacation before I go so everything is all good.

But seriously, everything is so much better than good. I'M GOING TO HUNGARY! still feels like a dream and I am quite the obsessed little researcher, trying to get a feel for the people, the country, the culture, and even the language (not very successful in figuring that out on my own...but "Jó napot kívánok!" means "good day!") hahah I don't think I have even started to realize how hard I am going to have to work to learn this language and preach the gospel in it too!!! But it's an adventure to say the least, and I love adventures so I'm ready! Check back with me in a couple months and see if I have the same attitude and motivation ;)

              hi I love my fam cuz they take me on day outings to my favorite place.

With all of this getting ready, I have tried to start changing my lifestyle one step at a time. Luckily the lifestyle that i have right now won't be too big of an adjustment to missionary life, but one of the only things I've realized is that I won't be connected to the world for 18 months. Other than an email once a week, I will not be able to take billions of pictures and put them on instagram or have everyone follow my adventures on snapchat. 

"Hi, I'm Brooke and I'm a social media addict."

In this day and age, I feel like the majority of people are just like me, and don't want to admit how addicted they are. I have started trying to ween myself off by deleting Twitter and Snapchat and it's crazy how weird I feel! My thoughts are literally tweets and I go on my phone to go and tweet them! I have such a problem. Tonight, my brother and I were driving out to my grandparents and I wanted to take a picture to put on snapchat so my friends could see it. Wait, so my friends could see a picture of me driving to my grandparents?! Seeing it from an outside look totally makes my motives seem quite stupid. And also having this time before my mission to step back and see what was controlling my life has really put things in perspective. 

So for those that have their mission papers in, or, like me- already have their call- I would start to prepare to disconnect from social media! I don't believe in taking it all away at once, because we all know that would be too painful. but I also don't believe that going ham on the social media accounts will make anything easier. So maybe start with the ones you can handle letting go of. That was twitter for me. But then snapchat (super hard for me) but keeping something to keep you sane. and then as time gets closer, keep one just to let people know about your farewell and such! Just an idea for ya. 

I preached enough for one night! I'm still working on my own suggestion and I can tell you its pretty darn hard! I am not one to say social media is bad and to stay completely away from it, but I do think the priority of social media should not trump things like family time, good conversation or a beautiful view. It's great to be connected and to share wonderful things about your life, just don't let it take over! 

And (as google translate says) in Hungarian, we say "jó éjszakát" or goodnight :) xoxox, B

ONE FOR THE BOOKS

Okay. It is going to be really difficult for me to find the words to describe my experience this past week, but I will try my best!

As most of you know, I had decided to go on a mission a while back. I recieved an overwhelming amount of love and support from everyone in my life. I knew it was the right thing for me. I felt as though months passed by until I finally got my mission call in the mail. For those that don't know the details of this process, the General Authorities meet at the church headquarters in Salt Lake and sit together and determine, with direct revelation from God, where exactly you are needed in this world. So that definitely came to mind when I was reading my letter!

Rewinding a bit, I have to admit that I was out of my mind, crazy nervous to find out where I was going. I know that wherever it might be was the place that I am supposed to be going, but I let a selfish part of me sneak into my mind and made me doubt the process. I am such a bold, adventurous, curious, and excited person and I wanted to go somewhere where most don't go. I am sad to admit that I even let my mind go there! But God did not disappoint. But when does he ever?!

I was assigned to serve in the HUNGARY BUDAPEST mission! I had no idea where that was, but knew right away that it was an answer to my prayer. I will report to the Provo MTC on December 9th, 2015 and spend 9 weeks there learning the beautiful Hungarian language! For the 16 months following, I will be living in Hungary, learning about their culture, meeting and connecting with the people there, and spreading the fullness of the gospel to those that just don't know about it yet! I am just over the moon and am constantly thanking Him for answering prayers and blessing me. To some, learning the difficult language and living in a new and unknown place, facing rejection and much more, seems daunting and impossible. But another reason why I know that this is the mission for me is that I don't feel that in the slightest. I feel such strength already and the most motivation I have ever had in my entire life. From the night I opened my call, I was on a spiritual high--still am--and it will continue to get higher and higher as I become a missionary and live a life of service in this next year and a half.

I stay up every night, at least two hours extra, unable to actually wrap my head around the fact that this is all happening, but I can't wait. And now that I have a blog, I will be able to send emails and pictures home and my mom can upload them to here, so people can watch the happiness continue. It is such a testimony booster to be going through all of this. Life is so good because the church is so true and by living it, it is proving to me that a positive outlook is more accessible and a smile is almost always on your face.

Days until I report: 54 (!)

Ahh October.

So far this month has been amazing. And it hasn't even been a week. I started it off with a new haircut, refreshing and the shortest it's ever been!

                                    short hair don't even care.


Then this last weekend. I got to do a lot of my favorite things and actually felt myself growing like 3 maturity levels if that is even a thing haha. first off, I got to get out of the Folsom bubble and drive up to Idaho to spend some family time with my older siblings. There is just something about going to new places and seeing new things. I almost feel like I get a high off of it. Call me crazy, but road trips longer than 5 hours are my favorite. Especially when you get to see these pretty sights:

I have decided that once I get off my mission, I am living in Utah. I fell in love with the mountains and I already want to go back! Speaking of missions... I am still playing the waiting game. I supposedly am supposed to be getting my call in the mail either this week or the next! I am so excited and nervous all at the same time. I have tried my best to stay open with where I will be called to, I just have lost any and all patience.

But while the whole mission thing has been on my mind every minute of every day, General Conference was a wonderful, spiritual boost for me. I am at a point in life where the church has become so important to me and I love learning more and getting closer to Christ. Totally on a spiritual high and hope that it never goes away. Every talk given I was able to really focus on and apply them to my life. I highly recommend taking notes because not only are you really listening to what the prophet and apostles are saying, you also have them written down to always have.

Some of my favorite little snippits from Conference this weekend-

• Living the gospel isn't supposed to be difficult.
• Start where you are. 
• Exaltation is our goal, discipleship is our journey.
• The sabbath is a time and place to leave the world behind. 
• Simplify.
• God's ultimate purpose is our progress.
• Ponderize a scripture each week.
• Don't be too critical of the barrier. It is there to provide protection, safety, peace, and is there as a safe harbor from the evils of the world.
• Rescue the wounded in spirit.
• Come what may and love it.

My journal is full of pages with little bullet points i found throughout the session. For me, I simplify the things they say into a short summary of a couple words just like the ones above and it makes all the difference. 

While up in Idaho, we also drove to Salt Lake and watched the afternoon session. Being in the same room as our prophet and general authorities - all men called of God - is breathtaking. SO much love for all of them and I was so blessed to experience that. 

Also big shout out to my fam. I honest lucked out with my crazy, dysfunctional family. Some may look at a child that comes from a divorce as a trial, and believe me, I have moments. But there are weekends like this where I see it as double the love and more incredible people that I get to be with for time and all eternity. From my parents, to siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins, I have a big list of people that I can look to as an example and they all are such a source of unconditional love and support. Blessed beyond belief.

new motto^

I cannot get over how much different my life has been since I have decided to serve a mission. Everything is starting to make sense. I am starting to feel that I have a purpose in this world. I am able to recognize the little, daily tender mercies of the Savior and feel the spirit when I'm reading the scriptures and even if there is a beautiful sunset. I feel as though I am a totally different person than I was a year ago, but I am totally okay with that. And I am so stoked to continue to grow! Happiness most definitely comes from this church and living a righteous life.

xoxo

P.S. next post----------------------------MISSION CALL! (i hope)

me? freaking out? no...

everything is all becoming SO REAL.

                            *disclaimer- longer, emotional post today*

I took a road trip with my family to drop my sister off at college this week. Hands down the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. We had never been apart for more than a week in our entire life! And now it could be up to 2 1/2 - 3 months before we are together again. heartbreaking. and I think just knowing that she is 12 hours away and partying it up without me is so unREAL. But on the other hand, it is so exciting because it gives us the chance to really figure out life for ourselves, learn who we are on our own and get to have this independence we've never had before. It was bound to happen eventually haha both of us agreed that it was better now rather than when we both get married! because then we have time to get accustomed to being one instead of two! So as hard as it is sleeping in an empty room and singing in the car by myself, I can't help but feel excited for the future and ready to find myself.

Today at church it kind of hit me- how alone I am at the moment! I am so used to having, of course Ali, but other friends around that I can hang out with no matter what. But now everyone is at school and working and I am really going to have to figure something out because I am staying home to work a little bit and get ready to serve a mission. My personal goal is to step out of my comfort zone and make some new friendships! Or work on strengthening old ones! It is so funny, I honestly forgot how to make friends. is it just me? Like I kind of feel like I was given these incredible friends without any effort. Oh well. We'll see if I am successful! I just want to find someone that will go on random day trips and eat sushi and have Netflix marathons while putting up with my obsession for taking pictures and wanting to do things on the spur of the moment! Is that too much to ask? Just kidding. I'll find a person....eventually :)

 

 

 

The mission seriously cannot come any faster. Not that I want to rush anything, but being on my own is making me worried to become lazy and lose this motivation I have right now! I was also really scared that when I went to drop ali off at school, I would feel regretful and upset that I should be there and going to school. But in all honesty, I didn't feel that in the slightest. It may be my stubborn mentality, but I am so stuck on this plan and am so psyched to get out there and start serving! In about a month and a half, I should have my call so I will keep you posted!

so sorry about the lengthy rambling of feelings and thoughts, but thank you for listening! I have no idea if anyone even reads this blog or gets anything from it...But I get a lot out of sitting down and really thinking about what's running around in this head of mine. I am currently getting used to all of this inevitable change, and am trying to keep my positive pants on! So to answer the question of the title of this post. I don't think I'm actually freaking out. I have moments of loneliness and maybe a touch of sadness every so often, but I have yet to actually "freak out." I haven't even questioned if this is the right thing. I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing. And I am so glad that for ONCE IN MY LIFE I have found that out. haha. okay, that is all for now. Life is good. God is good. If you know that then how can you not be anything but happy?

xoxoxo, b