Sunday, September 13, 2015

me? freaking out? no...

everything is all becoming SO REAL.

                            *disclaimer- longer, emotional post today*

I took a road trip with my family to drop my sister off at college this week. Hands down the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. We had never been apart for more than a week in our entire life! And now it could be up to 2 1/2 - 3 months before we are together again. heartbreaking. and I think just knowing that she is 12 hours away and partying it up without me is so unREAL. But on the other hand, it is so exciting because it gives us the chance to really figure out life for ourselves, learn who we are on our own and get to have this independence we've never had before. It was bound to happen eventually haha both of us agreed that it was better now rather than when we both get married! because then we have time to get accustomed to being one instead of two! So as hard as it is sleeping in an empty room and singing in the car by myself, I can't help but feel excited for the future and ready to find myself.

Today at church it kind of hit me- how alone I am at the moment! I am so used to having, of course Ali, but other friends around that I can hang out with no matter what. But now everyone is at school and working and I am really going to have to figure something out because I am staying home to work a little bit and get ready to serve a mission. My personal goal is to step out of my comfort zone and make some new friendships! Or work on strengthening old ones! It is so funny, I honestly forgot how to make friends. is it just me? Like I kind of feel like I was given these incredible friends without any effort. Oh well. We'll see if I am successful! I just want to find someone that will go on random day trips and eat sushi and have Netflix marathons while putting up with my obsession for taking pictures and wanting to do things on the spur of the moment! Is that too much to ask? Just kidding. I'll find a person....eventually :)


The mission seriously cannot come any faster. Not that I want to rush anything, but being on my own is making me worried to become lazy and lose this motivation I have right now! I was also really scared that when I went to drop ali off at school, I would feel regretful and upset that I should be there and going to school. But in all honesty, I didn't feel that in the slightest. It may be my stubborn mentality, but I am so stuck on this plan and am so psyched to get out there and start serving! In about a month and a half, I should have my call so I will keep you posted!

so sorry about the lengthy rambling of feelings and thoughts, but thank you for listening! I have no idea if anyone even reads this blog or gets anything from it...But I get a lot out of sitting down and really thinking about what's running around in this head of mine. I am currently getting used to all of this inevitable change, and am trying to keep my positive pants on! So to answer the question of the title of this post. I don't think I'm actually freaking out. I have moments of loneliness and maybe a touch of sadness every so often, but I have yet to actually "freak out." I haven't even questioned if this is the right thing. I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing. And I am so glad that for ONCE IN MY LIFE I have found that out. haha. okay, that is all for now. Life is good. God is good. If you know that then how can you not be anything but happy?

xoxoxo, b